Today's post is going to be a catharsis. It's been a rough couple of days. My sweet 9 year old boy had a problem with some other children teasing him at school earlier this week. He and I went back over to the school and talked to his teacher about it and it was a very positive experience. His teacher is a darling girl who clearly loves to teach and enjoys my son. Because of this, I think he felt safe and came to me the next night as I lay writhing in pain from stomach flu cramps and cuddled with me. During this time, he shared some experiences he had in the first grade (two years ago) with his teacher at the time. It was a heart-wrenching tale of emotional abuse and bullying. The teacher, Sally Pead (I have no problem putting that name out there), yelled at him daily, called him names, ridiculed him when he read aloud, wouldn't let him go to the bathroom when he needed to go hence, he regularly had little accidents, didn't let him call me when he was sick. It gets worse. Every day the class had snacks. She skipped him every day. When he asked her if he got one, she'd tell him no. She excluded him from a class party and made him sit at his desk with his head down. One day she pulled an April Fool's prank and told the class she saw a spider. My little guy screamed because he was terrified of spiders. She kicked him. He cried. She then yelled at him for crying and sent him to his seat to put his head down.
He was also in Reading Recovery. Every day he went to Mrs. Kitchen's class for reading for 30 minutes. Every day he returned to an empty and dark classroom because the kids had gone to specialty. Every day he sat in the dark classroom and cried until the class returned. The list goes on and on but essentially, she bullied him and ostracized him, and he sobbed as he told me about the humilation and isolation he felt. Nobody would play with him. That's why he hated school. I asked him why he never told me these things. He was embarrassed.
I am heartsick and enraged. We can all relate to having an experience where a teacher was unprofessional a time or two and remember it in enough detail that it may have scarred us. I remember being completely devastated by a 3rd grade teacher yelling at me. Occasionally I see the man and I don't like him. But this continued day after day. This teacher picked on my son every single day.
At the time, we were going through a rough patch at our house. I was not a great parent. I wasn't a horrible parent, just much more wrapped up in other issues. This particular son is the most easy-going kid I know. He is sweet, friendly, and quite popular now. He has a wonderful group of friends and includes everybody he can in his group of friends. Kids like him, teachers like him, and his mother adores him. But he is scarred terribly from that year. He may be a more sensitive kid because of these experiences and much more apt to reach out to the underdog but that doesn't make it better.
And so my favorite psychologist (my dad) suggested my kids and I sit down and talk about bad teacher experiences. More and more crap came up. It was very cathartic for all of the children. My oldest daughter nearly cried when she listened to her brother's experiences. After it was over I ended up going to the school and dissolving into tears in the assistant principal's office. She was wonderful.
I feel like we've made a lot of progress in helping my son understand that the behavior this teacher exhibited is unacceptable. If this ever happens again - and I REALLY pray this is an exception and not the rule - I will do whatever I can to get him out of the situation; change teachers, change schools, even home school. I think he is feeling safer and that's the goal. He's doing really well this year and he had a pretty good year last year, too, but how do you heal from such a toxic teacher day after day when you are only 6 years old?
My heart is aching.
He was also in Reading Recovery. Every day he went to Mrs. Kitchen's class for reading for 30 minutes. Every day he returned to an empty and dark classroom because the kids had gone to specialty. Every day he sat in the dark classroom and cried until the class returned. The list goes on and on but essentially, she bullied him and ostracized him, and he sobbed as he told me about the humilation and isolation he felt. Nobody would play with him. That's why he hated school. I asked him why he never told me these things. He was embarrassed.
I am heartsick and enraged. We can all relate to having an experience where a teacher was unprofessional a time or two and remember it in enough detail that it may have scarred us. I remember being completely devastated by a 3rd grade teacher yelling at me. Occasionally I see the man and I don't like him. But this continued day after day. This teacher picked on my son every single day.
At the time, we were going through a rough patch at our house. I was not a great parent. I wasn't a horrible parent, just much more wrapped up in other issues. This particular son is the most easy-going kid I know. He is sweet, friendly, and quite popular now. He has a wonderful group of friends and includes everybody he can in his group of friends. Kids like him, teachers like him, and his mother adores him. But he is scarred terribly from that year. He may be a more sensitive kid because of these experiences and much more apt to reach out to the underdog but that doesn't make it better.
And so my favorite psychologist (my dad) suggested my kids and I sit down and talk about bad teacher experiences. More and more crap came up. It was very cathartic for all of the children. My oldest daughter nearly cried when she listened to her brother's experiences. After it was over I ended up going to the school and dissolving into tears in the assistant principal's office. She was wonderful.
I feel like we've made a lot of progress in helping my son understand that the behavior this teacher exhibited is unacceptable. If this ever happens again - and I REALLY pray this is an exception and not the rule - I will do whatever I can to get him out of the situation; change teachers, change schools, even home school. I think he is feeling safer and that's the goal. He's doing really well this year and he had a pretty good year last year, too, but how do you heal from such a toxic teacher day after day when you are only 6 years old?
My heart is aching.
Nancy - this is one post I did not enjoy reading. I am so sorry. What horrible memories! Ah, now I am mad. It is amazing that teachers like that still teach. My brother had plenty of awful 5th grade experiences that I try not to remember. He dealt with them by gaining lots of weight - a 10 year old chubby boy scared of school. He's great now and is very involved in his children's schooling at school.
ReplyDeleteYou are a great mother!
Nancy, my heart broke when I read your entry. I had a teacher that did that to my son in 3rd grade. Had I known how awful she was to him, I would have pulled him out. Luckily, the next year he got a teacher that was just the opposite and did everything she could to build him back up. Those mean teachers should be fired!!
ReplyDeleteOh, Nancy, that is horrible! I wonder if it is too late to call CPS. She could still be terrorizing children. I would at least call the school district administration. Oh, my mother is coming out in me! I had a thrid grade teacher that was not kind, but not anywhere near that. Kiss and hug your precious son. He truly is a lovely child and I cannot imagine anyone treating him unkindly. My heart is breaing for him.
ReplyDeleteThank you so much! I love to feel like such horrible experiences can heal.
ReplyDeleteThat makes me cry. I like the CPS idea. I'm so sorry those things happened!
ReplyDelete