On Growng Up

Today my 4 year old boy peed standing up. Three times. He's growing so fast.

He still likes to cuddle. He tells me every day he loves me. He gives me a kiss followed by a hug. He drags around the dilapidated rag that used to be his blankie. It was blue when I lovingly sewed it, tied it, and wrapped it around his tiny frame four years ago. Now he affectionately calls it his "white" blankie. Sometimes he concedes and calls it a white rag.

He is poised to be a big boy. He wants to help me pull up the dead grass in the flower garden. He wants to use the fork to tease it up. I show him how and smack him in the eye. He becomes my baby again, asking for his white rag and lets me hold him like a baby. He maintains his dignity by insisting on holding the ice on his own face.

He's at a crossroads of babyhood and little boyhood. I celebrate his accomplishments but still yearn to hold him in my arms.

All too soon he will no longer want my hugs and kisses. He will withhold his own from his mother. He will stop decorating our house with his art. He will ignore me in public. He will be too old to hug and kiss me even if he's hurt. He'll be making his own choices and I will slip into the background of his mind.

And so, for now, I will continue to hold him when he asks me to. I will tuck him into bed and sing him songs. I will continue to set limits but allow him the freedom to explore his world and push my limits. I will keep encouraging him to pee standing up. I will continue to be old fashioned and insist he not wear make-up outside the house until he can keep the lipstick within the lines God gave him.

I will continue wiping his bottom until he tells me he can do it. I will let him sneak into my bed at night just because he wants to know I am there. I will let him reach out and touch my face when he sleeps.

And he will grow

Like the other three ahead of him.

And I will rejoice. . .

Because I am blessed to be their mom.

Mom's Handiwork
(It's a shiner)