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I'm the Albino

Being on vacation where we have access to a pool, I've noticed two basic types of moms that are my age; Baywatch and I've-given-up.

The Baywatch mom hasn't accepted she's in her 40s. On the other hand, she doesn't have to. She's had surgery. She wears her bikini with pride, her glossy skin (suntan oil) brown, and her augmented chest screaming, "I'm not real!" This mom is usually wearing designer sunglasses and cute sandals embellished with beads, flowers, or semi-precious stones. Her hair is highlighted/colored to an unusually unnatural color and she may or may not have had a tummy tuck. If she has not had a tummy tuck, it's like a train wreck. You just can't look away.

This mom never gets into the pool. She sits at the side in the chaise lounge she put her towel on this morning as soon as it opened to claim her spot. Her eyes closed, she is a vision of paradise as her children scream, "Mom! Look at me! Look at me!" No response.

The "I've Given Up" mom usually shows up to the pool pushing a stroller and toting all the pool toys. She wears a bright, flowered swimming suit with a skirt. Her albino skin may have a slight farmer tan. She wears flip flops (formerly known as thongs in the 70s) without embellishment. Her skin glistens from sun block, and her nose is white with zinc oxide.

She swims with her children but often casts a longing look at the hot tub. By the time she is finished, she looks like a wet poodle. Her zinc oxide smeared, hair plastered against her head, and at least one child is crying because s/he forgot a towel and is cold.

I want to say I'm a 'tweener but then I look at my speedo one piece swimming suit (mom suit) and my cut off at the knee sweat pants, my brown flip flops I bought at Old Navy, and I'm carrying four towels when there are five of us and I know who I am.

I'm a mom.

Comments

  1. Booklover1212July 14, 2009 at 5:02 PM

    I LOVE this post!!! You made me laugh! I am an "I've Given Up" mom and am proud of it!! Hmmm...I see a tshirt here! LOL!

    ~ Jennifer
    http://thetoyboxyears.blogspot.com/2009/07/whatever-happened-to-grandma-grandpa.html

    ReplyDelete
  2. FoursonsJuly 14, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    I love this post! You described poolside perfectly!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa Page RosenbergJuly 14, 2009 at 5:16 PM

    Amen to that sister.
    (I prefer to call my Old Navy flip flops "bronze" because I am fancy.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. ChristaJuly 15, 2009 at 8:29 AM

    oh god...as I sit here reasding this I am wearing a pair of cut off knee sweat pants...I kid you not.
    What have we become, and me so early on?

    ReplyDelete
  5. OctamomJuly 15, 2009 at 5:21 PM

    I love this! I, too, would love to think I'm somewhere in the middle--but still trying to discretely nurse toddler twins poolside definitely puts me in the Mom-in-the-middle category! ;o)
    Blessings!

    ReplyDelete
  6. Jeff and Anna too!July 15, 2009 at 9:56 PM

    Hahaha Oh man... I wanna be the Bay Watch Mom-then I can look down my un-zinced nose at the other mom's and smugly think "At least I'm not like that..." .. and then drive away in my shiny black BMW SUV....

    haha yeah, right.

    ReplyDelete
  7. bettylJuly 19, 2009 at 3:49 AM

    I can relate! and I don't care!!

    ReplyDelete
  8. dddivaJuly 20, 2009 at 7:58 PM

    Hysterical. I think I am a tweener but mostly I have the old lady suit and whatnot as well. LOL
    Great Post glad I found you on BPOTW.

    ReplyDelete

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