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Diary of a Dumb Dog

March 2008

Today I barked. I don't know why. I did it for a long time. My people yelled at me. I think they like it so I barked some more. They opened my gate and I ran. I like to run. I ran far away. I looked at things. When I got home, my people were so happy to see me, they used raised voices.

I like socks and shoes. I can make them into new shapes. Chewing makes me happy.

April 2008

My favorite toy is called a "Ginger." It is fuzzy and likes to play with me. Today its sharp claw got stuck in my lower eyelid. Again. I had to wait for my people to remove it. Then I played with my toy again until it ran down the stairs. I don't like the stairs. They are scary.

July 2008

My people talk about how I might be bored. They think that may be why I run away and bark. I don't know what bored means but I like to run and bark.

August 2008

My people cooked chicken outside today. I like chicken. I ate two. Then my people saw me and took the rest inside.

October 2008

My people put up a fence and let me out of my dog run. Now I can run a lot. I found a place where I could get out and I ran away. I like to run. My big hairy boy put something in the hole. Now I can't run away.

January 2009

My kids people played in the snow with me today. We had a lot of fun. They left their sleds outside for me to chew. I tore them up really good. I love my people. Next time I see them, I will sniff between their legs. They like that.

June 2009

The snow is all gone. I found mud. I dug. Soon I saw a hole under the fence. I crawled through and ran away. My hairy boy covered up the hole. I dug a new one. He covered it up again. I dug a new one. He covered it up again. I did this a lot. I like this game. I am glad my boy plays it with me.

I killed a snake today. It was very, very long and green. When it died it bled water. It was very, very strange.

July 2009

I like to dig. My big hairy boy doesn't pat me on the head as much anymore.

I killed another snake today. This one was black and long. When it died, it bled water. I was so hot I rolled around on the spurt. I feel better now.

July 2009

My hairy boy put down cement squares. I tried to dig under them. All I got was dirt. When my people open the gate, I run away. I love to run.

August 2009

Today I dug by the fence. I dug and dug. I found pipes. Maybe I dug to China.

I found a new place to dig. The dirt is softer in this place. I dug and found carrots. I don't like to eat the carrots but I like to dig them up! My mom people taught me new words today. I don't know what they mean.

August 2009

I still bark. I still dig. I still smell people between their legs. My mom people called me "diabolical." I think that means I'm wonderful and she loves me. Maybe I will kill another snake and give it to her.

Comments

  1. The JensenitesAugust 11, 2009 at 1:48 PM

    I LOVE it! I love it so much that I am going to copyright your idea one of these days:)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ChristaAugust 11, 2009 at 2:10 PM

    oh my gosh! Can you please bring my dog back home? We've been looking for him! lol

    ReplyDelete
  3. Lisa Page RosenbergAugust 11, 2009 at 4:07 PM

    Fantastic. And so familiar - "Diabolical" must be the soul sister of our beast "Complete Maniac."

    ReplyDelete
  4. FoursonsAugust 11, 2009 at 4:20 PM

    This is so fun and may have convinced me to NOT get a dog.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Shep's HerdAugust 11, 2009 at 4:32 PM

    Add some pictures and you could publish this and make lots of money to get more snakes !!

    ReplyDelete
  6. CJ SimeAugust 11, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    This post is hilarious. You are too funny. ROTFL

    I am also a huge fan of the comments you've left on my blog. They always crack me up

    ReplyDelete
  7. CJ SimeAugust 11, 2009 at 5:03 PM

    This post is hilarious. You are too funny. ROTFL

    I am also a huge fan of the comments you've left on my blog. They always crack me up

    ReplyDelete
  8. wendyAugust 11, 2009 at 9:10 PM

    Totally worthy of reading to my husband. Now I know why we don't have a dog. Tell your dog's big hairy boy I said hi!

    ReplyDelete
  9. The White HouseAugust 13, 2009 at 5:44 PM

    That was awesome! I am so glad that I found your blog through MamaKat. I loved the sleepy conversation also!

    ReplyDelete
  10. The MomAugust 17, 2009 at 1:49 PM

    Someone give this to Paul. He hates my dog Miller, dumb dog but loveable

    ReplyDelete

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