After picking my teenager daughter up from school today, we continued on to the most dreaded store of them all - Walmart.
My daughter and I suffer from many of the same maladies. One of the most pronounced today is the tendency to get distracted. All I wanted was a planner. Just a planner. Too much visual stimulation. Wandering around, refocusing, yelling at each other to stay on task, walking back again, something shiny...
Anyhoo, back to my planner conundrum. I really wanted a daily planner that didn't cost an arm and a leg (read: Franklin Covey), wasn't the size of a Harry Potter book (read: Franklin Covey), and didn't start in January 2010. After perusing, getting distracted, pulling 0urselves back, I finally decided I would have to get a small, hardbound notebook and write in the days and times. I actually love the format but it is tedious work. But that's what cub scout pack meeting is for, right?
We found ourselves in the check out lane of one "Tyler," an energetic older teen, who, surprisingly, was open and taking customers. He did, however, possess that irritating habit of the rest of the WalMart crew of carrying on an intimate conversation. He asked me how school is, are there any cute boys. . .
Wait a minute. He's not looking at me. He's looking at my 14 year old daughter. He was flirting with her?! My momentary stun mode may have saved his life. Mama Bear wanted to jump the checkout stand and beat the living crap out him, punctuating my words with my slaps and choke holds.
She's. Only. Four. Teen. You. Per. Vert.
Fortunately for Tyler, there is enough pride in this mother to realize it is a great compliment to be standing next to such a tall and beautiful young woman and know that she's my daughter. That kept me contained from being charged with a felony (my purse could be viewed as a deadly weapon).
Back to my first reflex, though, he's flirting with her and I'm standing right there. Her mother. Is that seriously not at least a little intimidating? Apparently not. When she wouldn't give him the time of day, he turned to me and asked me why I don't teach her to look for the cute boys at school.
"She's a lesbian," I gushed, grabbing her by her arm and dragging her out of the store.
* Post script: Teenager wants to marry a boy.
* Post post script: 9 year old boy will not, he repeats, will NOT get married. He will grow old with Bob the cat and Fred the dog who will cook for him.
My daughter and I suffer from many of the same maladies. One of the most pronounced today is the tendency to get distracted. All I wanted was a planner. Just a planner. Too much visual stimulation. Wandering around, refocusing, yelling at each other to stay on task, walking back again, something shiny...
Anyhoo, back to my planner conundrum. I really wanted a daily planner that didn't cost an arm and a leg (read: Franklin Covey), wasn't the size of a Harry Potter book (read: Franklin Covey), and didn't start in January 2010. After perusing, getting distracted, pulling 0urselves back, I finally decided I would have to get a small, hardbound notebook and write in the days and times. I actually love the format but it is tedious work. But that's what cub scout pack meeting is for, right?
We found ourselves in the check out lane of one "Tyler," an energetic older teen, who, surprisingly, was open and taking customers. He did, however, possess that irritating habit of the rest of the WalMart crew of carrying on an intimate conversation. He asked me how school is, are there any cute boys. . .
Wait a minute. He's not looking at me. He's looking at my 14 year old daughter. He was flirting with her?! My momentary stun mode may have saved his life. Mama Bear wanted to jump the checkout stand and beat the living crap out him, punctuating my words with my slaps and choke holds.
She's. Only. Four. Teen. You. Per. Vert.
Fortunately for Tyler, there is enough pride in this mother to realize it is a great compliment to be standing next to such a tall and beautiful young woman and know that she's my daughter. That kept me contained from being charged with a felony (my purse could be viewed as a deadly weapon).
Back to my first reflex, though, he's flirting with her and I'm standing right there. Her mother. Is that seriously not at least a little intimidating? Apparently not. When she wouldn't give him the time of day, he turned to me and asked me why I don't teach her to look for the cute boys at school.
"She's a lesbian," I gushed, grabbing her by her arm and dragging her out of the store.
* Post script: Teenager wants to marry a boy.
* Post post script: 9 year old boy will not, he repeats, will NOT get married. He will grow old with Bob the cat and Fred the dog who will cook for him.
I'm having an Asthma attack here from laughing!
ReplyDeleteI SO want to go shopping with you some day...
Oh my gosh! I am laughing so hard right now. LOL! So funny.
ReplyDeleteI love happy endings!! :-) You are so much funnier than I would have been. I would have given him a 10 minute discourse on what the purpose of school was and was not and perhaps give him a suggestion that he try it again sometime. But that would have been rude and your answer probably just shut him up!
ReplyDeleteThat boy had a lot of gall hitting on your daughter right in front of you. I mean really- respect anyone? Love your response to him!
ReplyDeleteI may have to buy a new keyboard and monitor. I should know by now to NOT DRINK MY MORNING MORMON BREW while reading your words.
ReplyDeleteWay to go mom! You handled that perfectly...if you have to cut her hair and dress her in plaid flannel, do it!
ReplyDeleteIf I walked away from my computer, The Boy used to type "I'm gay" in my IM window if I was messaging a single man...
ReplyDeleteOh, how we want to protect our loved ones!
LOVE IT! I am taking notes for when my girl's get older
ReplyDeleteFreakin hilarious! I have to remember that for when my daughters get older!
ReplyDeleteAll 14 year-old girls should employ a professional security detail.
ReplyDeleteTo your son: I too am in the market for a cooking (and cleaning) dog and cat. Please advise.
Hard transition huh? To have 'desirable' children.
ReplyDeleteFor me, I'm in aging denial. Have a nineteen year old and a 19 month old {not to mention the plethora of short - and not so short - people in between}.
Figure if I have young kids I must be a YOUNG mum. Let me keep my delusion.
ps. Hey. I'm follower number forty and I'm forty years old ..... {easily amused too :}
ReplyDeleteAh the torture I put boys through that wanted to date my daughter. IT WAS SOO MUCH FUN!!!! One of them is still scared silly of me and its been 5 years since they stopped dating. I love it. I can't wait (actually I can, but...) till I get to torture more boys with the next one! The things that amuse me.....
ReplyDeleteJust love it, what a come back, will have to remember that one, I have 4 teenage girls. Came to you through Sande, am a newbie to all this, lok forward to reading your posts. Lxx
ReplyDelete