A Musing Mother 6

I like the cute blogs where people choose one thing every day to express gratitude about during the month of November. Might as well admit my shortcomings right now.  1) I am a procrastinator and 2) I have too short of an attention span. Let's go ahead and add 3) I can't be serious for 26 days in a row. It's just so un-Nancylike. Real word.  I'm going to add it to wikipedia as soon as I finish this post. (Definition: someone who can't be serious for 26 days in a row.  Brilliant.)  So here is a smattering of my gratitudes: 1. Good friends who know me and like me anyway. No details necessary. They know who they are.  I love them right back. 2. Central air conditioning.  I realize it's November and quite cold but I know and remember the difference between no cooler, swamp cooler, and central air. 3.  Oversharing - a good psychiatrist who knows how to treat sweet 11-12 year old girls carrying the weight of serious anxiety.   4.  The magic po...

I have mixed feelings about this post simply because I feel like a child holding up four fingers and announcing, "I'm four years old today!"  I'm not looking for well wishes or anything else. It's just that I got a really good present and I can't help myself but share. The stipulation was that I had to keep it on my bed and had to pass it on to someone else after one year. It requires no more explanation.

Sadly, our photographer was unaware that the focal point of this picture was not supposed to be our bellybuttons. Imagine me with the top of my head, and you have the Fabulous Four, so named by me, just now. What can I say about these ladies besides they are amazing and I cherish their friendship? Kristy, the one on the far right owns a dance studio. She is the catalyst of the Fab Four. She decided to open her studio again, a few years after having her second child and I signed my girls up as soon as they could walk. While there, I found an adult class and, after two years of contemplating, decided to try it out. It was hard.  It  hurt. But I would dream I could fly after every class. Kristy's second child was diagnosed with  Epidermolysis bullosa , a rare, painful, and often eventually fatal skin disease. As her daughter's skin blistered upon touch, bled and peeled off, Kristy pulled up herself up by her bootstraps and created clothing that didn't damage her daughter's...

My colleague tipped me off about a great sale going on at her favorite store, Macy's, and pushed me out the door early to go dig into the goods.  I was nearly giddy with glee.  I was going to The Mall. As backwoodsy as it sounds, I rarely get to The Mall. A long time ago, not only did I work at The Mall but I would never capitalize it in a sentence.  I really hated working retail but I always looked so darling.  I think I can safely credit my hatred for working retail with my decision to go to graduate school.  That and my father's subtle urging. ( Look what came in the mail today, Nancy! An application for Our Lady of the Lake University! Oh, and one for Oregon State. Let's sit down right now and fill these out. In fact, I've already started them.  Just sign right here.) So there I was, in a store other than Target, Old Navy or Costco, looking completely bewildered.  I started out by having mini strokes as I looked at price tags.  Once recovered,...

Years ago I attended a dinner party in an enormous house. This was back before the day of McMansions. There was a large game room along with a full size racquetball court.  However, the supposed crowning glory was a bathroom down in the recesses of the home.  The screeching woman sent her mousy husband ahead of the tour to prepare the bathroom for showing. The bathroom was incredibly large and contained a steam shower which is what the obedient husband had to turn on for us (Oooooh) and, what I could only ascertain as two toilets, side by side. Why would someone put two toilets side by side?  "It's a bidet ," the screecher informed us with superiority. "Ohhhh," we all responded.  The group moved on. "What's a booday?" I asked the quiet, computer geeky husband. He blushed.  He stammered.  He stuttered.  He finally squeaked out something about a device from Europe that cleans the behind.  He also corrected my pronunciation.  "It's biDAY ....

I know! It just reeks of excitement, doesn't it?  I know what you are thinking. "Who would publish that woman's thoughts?" The answer is a lovely little outfit called www.blog2print.com. In other words, I haven't been discovered. I am no closer to being a published author than I was yesterday EXCEPT that by Christmas I will be the proud owner of my very own blog book! I know. It's a little anticlimactic but here's the cool part. My friend, Becki, found me entertaining and directed me to a blog called www.josikilpack.blogspot.com.  She posted a little coupon code for 20% off which was supposed to end last week. Apparently, the code is still good and I saved $14. That said, you know it isn't exactly the cheapest way to get published but it's the best price I could find on publishing my blog!  And it requires very little technical know-how.  And that, my friends, tickles my heart. And, for a small price of your integrity and dignity, I will share the ...

Act I 4 year old boy: Mom, do only grown-ups kiss and hold hands and have a baby in the oven? Mom: Who told you about a baby in the oven? 4 year old: Does (pronounced Doos) grown-ups get babies in the oven? Mom: There's a little more involved in getting babies in the oven than holding hands and kissing. 4 year old: What else? Mom: Well, they have to get married and sleep in the same bed. 4 year old: What else? Mom: It's time to go. Get in the car. End Scene Act II Open scene to boy and mom in the car. 4 year old: Mom, does "baby in the oven" mean "trouble." Mom: Absolutely. End scene

I didn't include ALL of the text from my the self-help neuroses pamphlet. Compare with last post. You cannot teach a man anything, you can only help him find it within himself. - Galileo The secret of success is one who does not try to please everyone. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. It's easier to stay thin than to lose weight. Imaginary worries are the hardest fears to overcome. The safest gamble in life is to take a chance on yourself. A man's own self is his friend. A man's own self is his foe. He who angers you conquers you. - Elizabeth Keany Let me open myself to the knowledge of wisdom. He who finds understanding, finds knowledge. Creative minds flourish in a tranquil environmen. He who gains victory over liquor is strong, but he who gains victory over himself is powerful. It is better to travel hopefully, than to arrive. The breadth of personal power is awesome. Today will be what I choose to make it. No more a...

Going through old files from graduate school, I found an invaluable pamphlet. Be a Dedicated Neurotic Remember the Past. . . and Regret it. Abhor the Present. Dread the Future. 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are responsible for your miseries. 3. Feel trapped. You couldn't possibly declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings. 4. Overeat. Rationalize and eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you. 5. Self-pity. No matter what, feel sorry for yourself. Agonize over things about which no one cares. 6. Don't ever try. That way nobody can really accuse you of failure. You can always say, "But I could have done it." 7. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you. You're special. 8. Your agg...

Completely hypothetically speaking, let's say your spouse was slated to have an endoscopy next week and the hospital called to do "pre-check-in." Let's say the person asking the questions asks what kind of procedure your spouse will be having. You can say anything. What would your answer be? Endoscopy Colonoscopy Vasectomy (Fill in the blank) Extra hypothetical fodder: After throwing up and bearing four of his wonderful children, you asked him to get #3 and he paused long and hard before he said, wistfully and with hesitance, "I will. . . if I have to." I did not say colonoscopy. No I did not. Nope.

Timelines are for history geeks. Sorry. Here goes mine: 5:23 Roll over to find a 4 year old boy in my bed who announces, "Mom, I had an accident." 7:10 Wake up for real and realize I'm late. Run into 9 year old boy's bedroom and shatter his lovely dreams. He jumps up. There's a dark circle on his bed. 7:15 4 year old announces for the second time, "Mom, I had an accident." 7:20 Standing behind kitchen bar, I hear the dog gag. I panic and yell at the 9 year old boy to open the door and let her out. "Too late," he announces. 7:50 I am muttering swear words under my breath because I don't know where my husband is. Take 9 and 11 year old to school. 8:00 11 year old calls to request that I bring over the container of collected pond water she has on the kitchen counter. I don't see it. I check in dishwasher with clean dishes. Oh, there it is. I assure her I'll be right there. I'm still muttering swear words as husba...

It is, isn't it? I could start and end this post with this picture and claim myself as a kitchen demi-goddess and call it good. But there is more to this story. The recipe called it "Earth Bread." The cookbook has been a winner for me in the past. I scanned the recipe and saw that it required 1/2 cup of sunflower seeds. I forgot to go to the store. Never fear! Remember these babies ? Oh, yeah. I had sunflower seeds. I went out to the garden and pulled on one of those sunflower's droopy heads. Something sharp penetrated my finger. It hurt. It stung. It's November. It can't be a bug. I realized something was wrong when I picked out seeds and dumped them into my injured hand and I couldn't hold the seeds. I ran inside and watched a part of my hand swell. This, in literary circles, would be referred to as foreshadowing . Fortunately, this interaction with, what can only be assumed as a spider, is anti-climactic. No black widow. No decaying fl...

1. October 29th, 6:00 p.m. at Party Land is a lot like stepping into an amusement park. You will find suffocating crowds, what you want is sold out, someone has to go potty and there aren't enough potties to go around for all those people, and your wallet is taken for a ride. 2. The child you spent a small fortune to buy a costume that she committed to wear even though you had your doubts, wears the costume for half of the school day and then changes into a new costume after lunch. Just to make things for interesting, her trick or treating costume is something entirely different; Miss Obvious. This costume consists of her regular school clothes and "Miss Obvious" written across her forehead. $32 well spent. 3. Tall and beautiful teenager is asked to dance at the Halloween Dance by an 18 year old senior. She is flattered. I want to know his name and address. 4. WalMart is a circus from October 29th at 8:00 p.m. until at least 3:00 p.m. on Halloween. 5. So is Cost...