Skip to main content

Install Filter Before Use

This year in Sunday School we are studying the Old Testament. In my own quirky way, I enjoy the Old Testament immensely. I have discovered oh-so-many things that aren't taught at church about prophets of old (Lot, David, Solomon, to name a few) and was immediately cured of any desire for soap operas or trashy novels.

But that's not my subject today.

Brother and Sister A. were teaching, as they usually do. Sister A (Julie) is one of those genuinely kind and good people. She has a pleasant voice and sweet tone. You know the kind.

Brother A (Doug) has a baritone voice. He teaches with passion and conviction. His way is always right because, you see, he's a lawyer. He's a good person. For a lawyer.

So Julie was discussing the creation and each creative period. God, Jehovah, Michael, dividing light from darkness, separating land from water, organizing matter, and clearly understanding the laws of physics, gravity, chemistry and biology. Then Adam was created, Eve arrived and they continued just fine in the Garden of Eden.

Then in Doug's deep, baritone voice, with a hint of condescension and contempt, "And then along came Lucifer." Long pause for affect.

"Oh my gosh!" I murmured aloud, "Lucifer was an attorney!"

The person on my right stirred. It was the brand new bishop.

"Sorry. I forgot to install my filter."

"That okay," he replied, "I remembered mine today."

Well played.

Comments

  1. Ahhh, THAT filter. I'm pretty good at stuff like that remaining just in my head (and later, on my blog).

    While I'm employed doing taxes this season, I feel my filter is working double duty, as there are SO MANY things I'd like to say to my clients.

    Good thing that filter still works.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am sure that God left out your filter on purpose. He knows we all have more fun that way.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Funny. I HAVE NO filter. Whatsoever. And they actually had me teach Gospel Doctrine for 3 years. OT included. That's a brave bishop.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LOL!

    My filter switch is faulty.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I nominated you for an award because I love your blog!

    Thanks for sharing your wit and humor! I enjoy it much!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I have no filter either...my moutheth runneth overth

    ReplyDelete
  7. Hahaha- according to Harry Connick Jr on PS I love you they make pills for that.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I am certain I have no filter- and until this moment did not even know I was missing one! LOVE your blog.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How To Be A Dedicated Neurotic

Going through old files from graduate school, I found an invaluable pamphlet. Be a Dedicated Neurotic Remember the Past. . . and Regret it. Abhor the Present. Dread the Future. 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are responsible for your miseries. 3. Feel trapped. You couldn't possibly declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings. 4. Overeat. Rationalize and eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you. 5. Self-pity. No matter what, feel sorry for yourself. Agonize over things about which no one cares. 6. Don't ever try. That way nobody can really accuse you of failure. You can always say, "But I could have done it." 7. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you. You're special. 8. Your agg...

Pioneer Trek

Utah was founded by the Mormon pioneers in 1847 after enduring unimaginable losses and seeking a place of peace. July 24th marks the anniversary that the first wagon trains arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Their numbers were greatly diminished by crossing the country in wagons and handcarts, dying of scurvy, tuberculous, malaria, starvation, unidentified fevers, and freezing to death. This, they found preferable to facing the extermination order put forth by Governor Boggs of Missouri. I believe this is the most courageous act of faith - to leave all they had that was familiar and travel the rough terrain in the unknown in search of a place where they could worship in peace. My daughters left this morning for a small re-creation of what the pioneers experienced. I don't love the idea since I know so many of the pioneers died but it is a way for many of the youth to connect to their ancestors and understand what many of the early members endured for their faith. The youth were asked...

Public Notice

Dear friends, neighbors, enemies, and people I don't know: Understand that it all started out very innocently. I planned my garden carefully. Everything had a place and plenty of room. Within my planning, I included three spaghetti squash plants, two yellow squash and two zucchini. Out of the 7 plants, two came up and they weren't my beloved spaghetti squash. This year we have added two grow boxes to the south side of the house. One of which we brought in a garden mix of soil and I planted neat little rows of seeds. The other was left untouched. All I saw was dirt. So I started pushing squash seeds into it. I don't even know what kind they are. When they came up, I transplanted them so they would have room to grow. I also noticed I had two squash plants (pumpkins, perhaps?) growing in the main garden that I hadn't planted. Apparently, I had also dropped a seed in the dirt outside the grow boxes and it's coming up as a squash plant, too. Last count, I hav...