Heidi and I have been friends since college. We tell each other things we don't tell anybody else. We know each others quirks, fears, and preferences. We're best friends.
For her birthday this year we hit Red Lobster. It's one of our favorite haunts for birthdays. This year we decided to celebrate the first year we are willing to admit that we look our age.
The hostess seated us and handed us the menu. It's the same drill every time. We look it over and order the same thing; lobster and crab. Heidi ordered first.
"What do I usually order?" she asked me.
"Ultimate feast with fries," I replied.
"Do I order the Caesar salad or house?"
"Caesar." Then I turned to the server, "She'll also have a Diet Coke with a twist of lemon. And bring extra napkins. She mangles them."
My turn. "What kind of salad do I order?"
"Caesar and I eat your croutons."
"Caesar without croutons," our server intoned as he wrote in on the pad.
"No, with croutons but I'll give the croutons to her," I reminded.
Long pause.
"We're not gay."
"No, we're not. We've been together longer than we've had our husbands."
"That sounds gay. Stop saying that."
"We're not gay. Really."
The server looked uncertain. "That's okay. I wasn't judging."
He was so judging.
For her birthday this year we hit Red Lobster. It's one of our favorite haunts for birthdays. This year we decided to celebrate the first year we are willing to admit that we look our age.
The hostess seated us and handed us the menu. It's the same drill every time. We look it over and order the same thing; lobster and crab. Heidi ordered first.
"What do I usually order?" she asked me.
"Ultimate feast with fries," I replied.
"Do I order the Caesar salad or house?"
"Caesar." Then I turned to the server, "She'll also have a Diet Coke with a twist of lemon. And bring extra napkins. She mangles them."
My turn. "What kind of salad do I order?"
"Caesar and I eat your croutons."
"Caesar without croutons," our server intoned as he wrote in on the pad.
"No, with croutons but I'll give the croutons to her," I reminded.
Long pause.
"We're not gay."
"No, we're not. We've been together longer than we've had our husbands."
"That sounds gay. Stop saying that."
"We're not gay. Really."
The server looked uncertain. "That's okay. I wasn't judging."
He was so judging.
I would have judged you. :)
ReplyDeleteHe was judging...on the inside.
ReplyDeleteyeah he was judging...
ReplyDeleteI'm judging.
ReplyDeleteTotally judging. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
ReplyDeleteI'm not judging.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm suddenly hungry.
Chunky Brown and I are judging you together.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmm...
Trying not to judge. From the girl who experienced culture shock when she arrived in Australia thinking every female she met was gay. Why? Because Australians refer to their female friends as their "Girlfriend" which in the UK was generally means something a LOT more intimate!
ReplyDeleteHahaha! I love that y'all were celebrating that you look your age. And honestly the whole time I was reading I was thinking, "They sound so gay." hahaha
ReplyDeleteI don't really care if you are gay or not, or using your "husband" as cover.... whatever. I still think you are one of the funniest people I "know" online, not in real life, or whatever you call this blog relationship. Oh my gosh! Are we gay?!
ReplyDeleteThat is so hilarious! I'm still giggling. Thanks for the laugh.
ReplyDeleteGeez Nanc, We sort of really sound gay. Is is possible...... Nah, after 25 years together we would know by now.
ReplyDeleteThat is so cool to have a friend so close.
ReplyDeleteOh he was judging. Fortunately, I've gotten to the point where I just don't care what people think in those situations. Most of the time, anyway ;) How wonderful to have such great friends though!
ReplyDeleteHe was judging but what can you do about it now?
ReplyDelete