Children in Public

I dread taking my children out in public. First of all, no matter how many times I tell them to go potty before leaving the house and they insist they don't have to go potty, the moment we are too far to go back home, someone has to go. Then of course there are the perverts posing as little old ladies ready to snatch one of my children and sell them on the black market. And then there is the whining and infighting and begging for a delectable treat like a Happy Meal from McDonald's. My nerves are shot in the first minute of the excursion.

Years ago I figured out how to trick this system of subjecting myself and the public to a bunch of whining children. I stopped taking them out in public.

I see mothers with children hanging off shopping carts, hitting each other and begging for their sugar-coated cereal of choice, whining and talking to themselves (the mothers, not the children) and I smile to myself. At least that's not me.

Saturday afternoon I decided to run a couple of errands.  Before I told Scott I was leaving, I had three of the four children climbing over the seats and preparing to accompany me. The teenager, my best helper, was not among them. Sighing deeply, I prepared myself for martyrdom.

We went to the post office and the library and I considered taking them home for my big excursion. The place where all that glitters catches the attention and all that is tattooed, nicotine stained, toothless, obese, and riding the motorized cart with an oxygen tank trailing behind leaves me quivering in fear.

Walmart.

It seems I'm always counting heads, calling out to a lost child, or generally hyperventilating when I take the children to Walmart or any other store on Saturday but I really had to go (to Walmart, not potty).

As we exited the van, the 12 year old daughter hoisted the 4 year old son out and the 9 year old boy grabbed his little hand. We reached the entrance and were immediately accosted by the Girl Scouts who forced us, yes, FORCED US to buy 4 boxes of cookies.

Moving around the store as quickly as I could, I made a deposit at the credit union, dropped off a prescription, picked up some groceries and found myself laughing with my children. They stayed close to me, kept an eye on each other and expressed gratitude for bringing them. Yes, I was still counting heads but I was enjoying taking them out with me.

Today I had carpool (and remembered) and picked up the teenagers. On the way home, my own teenager reminded me that she needed a wire tweaked on her braces so we went to the orthodontist and since it was on the way, we stopped at Ross to find a dress for the 9th grade Night Dance. We then stopped at Old Navy, tried on clothes, bought a bunch of them and even went to Kohl's for a shirt she needs for General Young Women Choir.

As we walked side by side back to the van and she expressed gratitude for taking her, I realized how much fun I was having with my children.

I think we're all starting to grow up.