How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for 4 Year Olds
When your mother gets on the phone, demand attention RIGHT NOW!
When your mother is on the phone talking to a professor at a college where she works (her boss), whom has never graced her with a personal call before so this is obviously important, keep poking her arm and say, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom."
Repeat 17 times.
When your mother shoos you away, walk downstairs to an extension phone and say, "Mom! I have something to tell you, Mom. Who are you talking to? Hey! Who is this?"
Come back upstairs, climb all over your mother, get your mouth close to the telephone and call out, "Goodbye!"
Pee your pants.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for 12 Year Olds
Call your mother when she is at work, 30 miles away, and inform her that you forgot your computer and ask her to bring it to you.
Forget your homework after school
When your mom takes you back to the school to get your homework and she tells you to specifically get your spelling words, forget your spelling words.
When asked why you don't have your spelling words, say something vague like, "I don't remember having spelling words."
When asked where is your computer, be vague again. "It wasn't at school so it must be at home but I can't find it."
Wait until the house is torn apart to remember that you may have set it down to pet the horses. Yesterday.
In celebration for Albert Einstein's birthday, insist that you must make π . Squared. A raspberry (radius) squared pie.
Lose junior high registration papers.
Don't sit on the chairs during registration (sit on your coat) because of the possibility of becoming contaminated by strangers' germs.
Pee your pants. Just a little bit.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for Nearly 10 Year Olds
At a really tense moment, when she's least expecting it, pop a balloon.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for Stupid Dogs
Dig a hole under the fence into neighbor's yard.
Run away.
When the mother comes chasing after you, run away faster.
When you come home, throw up on the kitchen floor.
When your mother gets on the phone, demand attention RIGHT NOW!
When your mother is on the phone talking to a professor at a college where she works (her boss), whom has never graced her with a personal call before so this is obviously important, keep poking her arm and say, "Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom."
Repeat 17 times.
When your mother shoos you away, walk downstairs to an extension phone and say, "Mom! I have something to tell you, Mom. Who are you talking to? Hey! Who is this?"
Come back upstairs, climb all over your mother, get your mouth close to the telephone and call out, "Goodbye!"
Pee your pants.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for 12 Year Olds
Call your mother when she is at work, 30 miles away, and inform her that you forgot your computer and ask her to bring it to you.
Forget your homework after school
When your mom takes you back to the school to get your homework and she tells you to specifically get your spelling words, forget your spelling words.
When asked why you don't have your spelling words, say something vague like, "I don't remember having spelling words."
When asked where is your computer, be vague again. "It wasn't at school so it must be at home but I can't find it."
Wait until the house is torn apart to remember that you may have set it down to pet the horses. Yesterday.
In celebration for Albert Einstein's birthday, insist that you must make π . Squared. A raspberry (radius) squared pie.
Lose junior high registration papers.
Don't sit on the chairs during registration (sit on your coat) because of the possibility of becoming contaminated by strangers' germs.
Pee your pants. Just a little bit.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for Nearly 10 Year Olds
At a really tense moment, when she's least expecting it, pop a balloon.
How to Drive Your Mother Crazy for Stupid Dogs
Dig a hole under the fence into neighbor's yard.
Run away.
When the mother comes chasing after you, run away faster.
When you come home, throw up on the kitchen floor.
My guy has mastered the 4 year-old lesson. Thanks for the info for my future. This will give me time to prepare an informed defense.
ReplyDelete(I'm screwed, right?)
Yeah those will do it, they would all work well...the phone one is the one that always gets me! :)
ReplyDeleteIf you EVER create a picture book with the 4 year old instructions in it, think of the rest we mothers will get in the funny farm!
ReplyDeleteWell, at least I'm not the only one going crazy...
ReplyDeleteDont kids always need to tell you everything that has ever happened in the entire life right when you get on the phone??!!
ReplyDelete10 year olds...Bawahahahahahaha!
ReplyDeleteThis is my first time on your blog, how much do I relate to you? Well....when you offered to trade hubbies with someone, I immediately related, then I clicked over and came here, read this, and knew I had found someone who's life I could relate to! If it helps there are others of us who have days like this.
ReplyDeleteaaaaaaaand .....yet another day in the world of motherhood. : )
ReplyDeleteAaaaahhhaaaahhaaaa, gasp, snort. I think I just peed my pants a little myself!
ReplyDeleteThis is fantastic, I laughed really loud about the dog vomit.
ReplyDelete