When I entered motherhood I knew there would be some sacrifices. Some sacrifices have been harder to bear than others, however.
I really miss personal space and sleep.
Even as I type I feel the little bottom of a 4 year old sitting on my back and his hands playing with my hair. I'm actually thinking of renaming him "Velcro." Not that I mind most of the time. His presence and touch remind me how much I love him. But there are times I wouldn't mind reclaiming my own pillow. 6 mornings out of 7 I awaken in the night or early morning with his head on mine or very near so. It's a king size bed yet he insists on being right on top of me. Which brings me to my next lament.
I miss sleep.
I knew I wouldn't sleep for the first year after having a baby. But it's been nearly 15 years since I've had a decent night's sleep. Let's break down my lack of sleep, shall we?
Certain children don't go to bed. When I say certain children, I really mean the nearly 15 year old and the nearly 5 year old. The teenager stays up and reads until all hours of the night. The little one talks. He talks and talks and talks and talks. When he starts falling asleep, he talks some more. (This could easily lead into another rant regarding my sex life or lack thereof but I won't go there. Let's just agree that children wandering around the house kind of ruin the mood.)
Last week we went through this scene and then continued with me not sleeping. I got up the 10 year old boy at 1:00 so he could go to the bathroom. Just in case. Just-in-case was too late which led me to changing his sheets. Just about then, the 12 year old wandered upstairs. She was hungry because she'd fallen asleep too early and missed dinner. She ate.
I stumbled back to bed and found a nearly 5 year old boy in my spot. I scooped him up and put him on his bed. He wanted to cuddle. I climbed into his bed with him. Oops. He'd just just done what his brother had done. I changed my second bed in 30 minutes.
Then there were the cuddles on his twin size bed. You'd think this would be a good time to sleep but it's not. He is a hugger. It's very sweet and I know I have such a short window of opportunity so I let him hug me in his sleep. When I thought he was asleep, I tried sneaking out but then he'd realize I was leaving and start to talk. And talk and talk and talk.
About the time I realized this little guy was asleep, I managed to extricate myself from his arms and legs and met my husband in the hall. He was dressed and just leaving to play basketball at the church. I could see dawn breaking.
I want to whine and complain but I can't bring myself to really rant. This is my season of life to serve those little people I love the most. During the day I can't form a cohesive and complete sentence. My eyes are mostly saggy and I often forget why I have gone into another room by the time I get there.
But I get a payoff. When they are the most sleepy, they are the most vulnerable. When they are the most vulnerable, they will give a few more kisses and hugs to their mother. The children who rarely show affection will often slip out "I love you, Mom."
And that's when I know it's worth it.
I really miss personal space and sleep.
Even as I type I feel the little bottom of a 4 year old sitting on my back and his hands playing with my hair. I'm actually thinking of renaming him "Velcro." Not that I mind most of the time. His presence and touch remind me how much I love him. But there are times I wouldn't mind reclaiming my own pillow. 6 mornings out of 7 I awaken in the night or early morning with his head on mine or very near so. It's a king size bed yet he insists on being right on top of me. Which brings me to my next lament.
I miss sleep.
I knew I wouldn't sleep for the first year after having a baby. But it's been nearly 15 years since I've had a decent night's sleep. Let's break down my lack of sleep, shall we?
Certain children don't go to bed. When I say certain children, I really mean the nearly 15 year old and the nearly 5 year old. The teenager stays up and reads until all hours of the night. The little one talks. He talks and talks and talks and talks. When he starts falling asleep, he talks some more. (This could easily lead into another rant regarding my sex life or lack thereof but I won't go there. Let's just agree that children wandering around the house kind of ruin the mood.)
Last week we went through this scene and then continued with me not sleeping. I got up the 10 year old boy at 1:00 so he could go to the bathroom. Just in case. Just-in-case was too late which led me to changing his sheets. Just about then, the 12 year old wandered upstairs. She was hungry because she'd fallen asleep too early and missed dinner. She ate.
I stumbled back to bed and found a nearly 5 year old boy in my spot. I scooped him up and put him on his bed. He wanted to cuddle. I climbed into his bed with him. Oops. He'd just just done what his brother had done. I changed my second bed in 30 minutes.
Then there were the cuddles on his twin size bed. You'd think this would be a good time to sleep but it's not. He is a hugger. It's very sweet and I know I have such a short window of opportunity so I let him hug me in his sleep. When I thought he was asleep, I tried sneaking out but then he'd realize I was leaving and start to talk. And talk and talk and talk.
About the time I realized this little guy was asleep, I managed to extricate myself from his arms and legs and met my husband in the hall. He was dressed and just leaving to play basketball at the church. I could see dawn breaking.
I want to whine and complain but I can't bring myself to really rant. This is my season of life to serve those little people I love the most. During the day I can't form a cohesive and complete sentence. My eyes are mostly saggy and I often forget why I have gone into another room by the time I get there.
But I get a payoff. When they are the most sleepy, they are the most vulnerable. When they are the most vulnerable, they will give a few more kisses and hugs to their mother. The children who rarely show affection will often slip out "I love you, Mom."
And that's when I know it's worth it.
Isn't it funny how when you are at your wit's end your child will look up at at you and make you laugh. And with that augh you can't even remember what all the fuss was about in the first place. Sometimes I think kids are cute to ensure their survival into adulthood. LOL I am a new follower from Mama Kat's.
ReplyDelete~Allison
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You are a true mommy! Loved reading this. My twins are almost 16 and my baby is 11. I miss missing sleep like this. I miss all the velcro days! Of course, each stage they are in are my favorite stages. Enjoy each stage as they pass buy quickly!
ReplyDeleteI'm a new blog follower via the product review place. Stop in and say HI at Scraps of Life http://cafescrapper-scrapsoflife.blogspot.com
i love this post. to me, not sleeping is hands down the hardest most suckiest and painful part of parenting ages born to 10.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite tips is to double make the beds. Take a waterproof sheet covered by a real sheet covered by another waterproof and another real sheet. When an accident happeneds just strip the top layer and toss in to the hamper and you are ready to go once again!
ReplyDeleteSoo sweet you have a hugger!!
I remind myself of this often, it all will fly by in the blink of an eye and I will someday even want the sleepless nights back...can hardly imagine that now. I'm only in about 5 years...and the bags under my eyes need their own zip code. ;p
ReplyDeleteHow is it that I have a similar night schedule but just one kid? (I had a theory but I forgot it because I am... um... going to make more coffee...)
ReplyDelete