She'd been patiently asking me for weeks to take her out and have "special time." Didn't taking her to the conference center to hear her sister sing count as "special time"? Or the trip to the doctor last week? I guess the point of special time is that she gets to write the agenda, not me.
Saturdays fly so fast and I'd already made one trip to Costco (and a stop at a local cupcake shop that is completely ruining my figure. Along with gravity) and my stomach was acting up. Again. There were mounds of laundry to fold and put away, a clubhouse to clean up, clothes to be returned, a van that needed gas, and videos that needed to find a Redbox but all I wanted to do was lay down and plead with my gut to knock. it. off. That's when my 12 year old requested I take her shopping for a swimming suit, an Easter dress, and a shirt to go with her skirts.
I had so many excuses I could have made but my mind kept wandering back to my 10 year old boy doing his chores that morning; his head resting on the counter while he swished the toilet clean. He'd been having tummy troubles too except he actually threw up the previous night yet he was doing his duty and finishing his Saturday chores.
I pulled myself up, slipped on my shoes and told myself I could handle one store. I mentally crossed off Costco, the gas station, Redbox, and all the other places I needed so desperately to go a few minutes before and decided on a store that might just have it all and we left.
Feeling so sick, I had no agenda. We went past the shoe department and she mentioned she didn't have water shoes so I sat down on the floor and watched her try some on. She found a pair that fit and we continued back to the girls' department where she tried on clothes and I sat on the floor by the dressing room. I was very dignified.
Without an agenda except to allow her to be a 12 year old girl, we enjoyed ourselves. She tried on dresses, shirts, swimming suits and we talked about how we liked them or didn't like them and she was the one who ultimately got to choose if we got them or not.
We finished our trip with a stop at the gelato bar where she ordered and I gagged. She thanked me and told me she had a really good time. I thought of all the times I had carefully planned out meaningful experiences specific to her needs and she didn't appreciate them as much as I thought she should have. I have thought how selfish she is to not appreciate what I give her.
It turns out, the selfish one was me. She had been telling me exactly what she found meaningful all along but I didn't listen to her. I know better. I am older and wiser. I knew that a trip to the expensive museum or zoo would be much better for her. I could always pick up a swimming suit for her at a store I find convenient even though she'd hate it and never wear it.
It took a mere hour and a half and all of $21 to give peace to this little beauty. She had complete control of what we did for 90 minutes and she made excellent choices on things she will actually use.
But the lesson I learned was priceless.
Saturdays fly so fast and I'd already made one trip to Costco (and a stop at a local cupcake shop that is completely ruining my figure. Along with gravity) and my stomach was acting up. Again. There were mounds of laundry to fold and put away, a clubhouse to clean up, clothes to be returned, a van that needed gas, and videos that needed to find a Redbox but all I wanted to do was lay down and plead with my gut to knock. it. off. That's when my 12 year old requested I take her shopping for a swimming suit, an Easter dress, and a shirt to go with her skirts.
I had so many excuses I could have made but my mind kept wandering back to my 10 year old boy doing his chores that morning; his head resting on the counter while he swished the toilet clean. He'd been having tummy troubles too except he actually threw up the previous night yet he was doing his duty and finishing his Saturday chores.
I pulled myself up, slipped on my shoes and told myself I could handle one store. I mentally crossed off Costco, the gas station, Redbox, and all the other places I needed so desperately to go a few minutes before and decided on a store that might just have it all and we left.
Feeling so sick, I had no agenda. We went past the shoe department and she mentioned she didn't have water shoes so I sat down on the floor and watched her try some on. She found a pair that fit and we continued back to the girls' department where she tried on clothes and I sat on the floor by the dressing room. I was very dignified.
Without an agenda except to allow her to be a 12 year old girl, we enjoyed ourselves. She tried on dresses, shirts, swimming suits and we talked about how we liked them or didn't like them and she was the one who ultimately got to choose if we got them or not.
We finished our trip with a stop at the gelato bar where she ordered and I gagged. She thanked me and told me she had a really good time. I thought of all the times I had carefully planned out meaningful experiences specific to her needs and she didn't appreciate them as much as I thought she should have. I have thought how selfish she is to not appreciate what I give her.
It turns out, the selfish one was me. She had been telling me exactly what she found meaningful all along but I didn't listen to her. I know better. I am older and wiser. I knew that a trip to the expensive museum or zoo would be much better for her. I could always pick up a swimming suit for her at a store I find convenient even though she'd hate it and never wear it.
It took a mere hour and a half and all of $21 to give peace to this little beauty. She had complete control of what we did for 90 minutes and she made excellent choices on things she will actually use.
But the lesson I learned was priceless.
This is SO me and my 7 year old. I really need to let her set the agenda more often, she would love it. Thanks for the reminder.
ReplyDeleteHope you're feeling better.
She's beautiful. And it sounds like she really does treasure her time with you.
ReplyDeleteShe'll remember this day everytime she wears the things you bought.
ReplyDeleteThe museum will elicit a memory only when prompted to come up with one.
I always have such good car conversations with The Boy when I'm not the one deciding where to go. I guess he feels like he really has my attention when I'm doing things he wants to do.
Her face in the picture is saying, "See Mom, I told you it would be fun!"
Glad you didn't hurl!
She is a cutie.
ReplyDeleteGood job rallying!!
So sweet, and true. She is adorable.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweetie.
ReplyDeleteSweet ladies, you are.
ReplyDeleteThis "let them choose" thing is how I have ended up on the beach in the rain 3 times this year. Each time was great.
This was a beautiful reminder. Thanks!
ReplyDelete