My Quandary

I'm going to go ahead and be transparent here. I love books. I love the smell of books. I used to try to sneak a smell of my brand new books from Scholastic book orders at school before anybody caught me and called me weird. I got caught smelling the brand new math textbook on the second day of school.

It was mortifying.

I love to read books. Some people prefer cocaine, alcoholic beverages, or just old fashioned heroine. My addiction is books. I am completely addicted to reading.

I also love free books. There are actually companies that prey on those of us in book depravity. Give me a book for free and I'll give it a review.

I am a book whore.

It didn't even start out innocently. I saw a book I really wanted to read but couldn't justify paying the $26 for hardback and I knew my little small town library would never spring for it so I contacted the publisher. My email was somehow pushed over to someone who may not have had great faith in the book because she agreed to let me review it.

Then I found all kinds of people in public relations that want a blog with an established readership to read and review their upcoming books. Books that hadn't even been published yet. A book lovers high.

So here was my quandary - I have a blog with an established readership but you people didn't come to my blog to read book reviews. Some of you actually find my humor amusing. It feeds my ego to get an email or comment that you've just laughed coffee or diet Coke through your nose and have ruined another keyboard. That image then makes me laugh diet Coke through my nose which is either Karma or the circle of life, I can't decide which. Either way, it tickles me.

Not only that, but I've had a couple of companies contact me as sponsors. Those posts were huge toilet tankers. I could have figured that one out but my brother pointed it out for me. Plus it ruined blogging for me. I had a hard time staying true to myself.

I don't want sponsors. I don't want to be paid for making fun of myself or finding humor in motherhood, being a working mother, or judging my neighbors and friends.

Nope. I will do it all for free. It keeps me honest with myself and with you.

So I will never become a commercial for whatever company drops onto my blog and offers me a cutesy hair clip or hauteur vintage light switch covers. There are plenty of other sites you can find for that kind of thing. Personally, I'm tired of being bombarded with tweets, twitters, facebook posts, commercials or other annoying advertisements everywhere I turn.

This blog is my sacred No Soliciting reprieve. If I mention a certain cupcake store someplace that I claim I love, it is because I really do love a chocolate cupcake with cream cheese filling and topping and crumbled Heath bar on top NOT because they have offered me a free cupcake (which they have not). If I find something that I absolutely love and can not live without and mention the name brand (Diet Coke), rest assured that I have not been compensated.

So I started a book blog because deep down inside anybody can be bought. Satan found my Achilles heel and I have sold my soul. Given, I won't tell a reader I loved the book if I didn't. In fact, I've had to send a book back because I refused to give it anything but a negative review. I gave the P.R. company the option of negative or no review. They wanted the book back.

I am even going to admit that I started my book blog dishonestly. I started using this blog then felt cheap and tawdry so I created another blog and just sort of morphed the P.R. people over there. Now that I'm firmly on an infant book blog, of course, no new P.R. company will touch me. But I'm firm in my resolve to keep this blog a reflection of who I am; a real mother trying to laugh in the face of adversity and trying to remember my children while they are still small. And sarcastic. Let's not leave that one out.

So, let's sum up:

1. I am a book whore.

2. I display multiple personality qualities.

3. I am unethical.

4. I am ethical (refer to #2)

5. I need a place to freely be who I am.

6. I need a place where I can exploit publishers and public relation people (again, refer to #2).

7. I have book giveaways and very low entrants. I'm afraid I won't get free books anymore.

So thus my quandary. I wonder if, perhaps, my soul has been rent and twain as I have subtly dropped transparent hints to book lovers.

Have I?