Alter-Egos

I have a few alter egos.  I don't want to reveal too much because I live with a social worker, my father is a psychologist, and I surround myself with too many people who own and regularly refer to the DSM IV. It is easy to conclude then, why I choose to feature a guest post today. A few of her disassociative personalities alter egos remind me of my own.

Without further ado, I present you with Lisa Rosenberg, a.k.a., Gail, from Corporate.

She's Got Your Number

Gail From Corporate kicks ass and takes names and then burns the piece of paper that the names are written on. Gail From Corporate will explain that you are not doing the company a favor by letting them pay you. Gail From Corporate will fire your lazy butt without consulting the in-house management. Gail From Corporate does that thing where she uses two fingers to point at her eyes then point at you to let you know that she is watching you and you are likely going down.

Gail From Corporate is my alter-ego. No, she doesn't work here but she knows how it should be done and she will nail you.

Gail From Corporate came very close to announcing herself at the Urban Outfitters on Melrose last fall. Her plan was to fire the hungover, chipped black nail polish, China Rain drenched, “sales department.” She would toss them out of the store but not before explaining that customer service does not involve forcing a long line of customers to wait to pay while you finish a cell conversation about what a hooker Devon looked like at that thing last night.

Gail From Corporate was talked out of firing the serving staff at her favorite breakfast place but not before she bussed all of the dishes in her section and refilled waters and coffees. Gail From Corporate does not do side-work but will make a detailed note of sloppy ketchup marrying practices.

Gail From Corporate thought it best that the young women in the Lingerie Department at Macy’s be put on unpaid leave while attending a brassiere-fitting seminar. Topic number one of the four day seminar would focus on the importance of having a tape measure on hand for foundation fittings instead of relying on Sylvie to “eye-ball it.”

For some reason, my family and pets do not acknowledge Gail From Corporate’s authority. Gail From Corporate will need to commandeer your phone to make a call to the home office.