I bought some nice hedge shears last week. It was time. I hadn't trimmed the bushes properly since I borrowed some really nice shears from my neighbor last year. I borrowed them from his son who was happy to share. While I was trimming the bushes, a truck pulled up and dumped off my neighbor. He was then met by an ambulance that whisked him off to the hospital. He'd been training for the Ragnar Relay and stepped in a hole. He tore his ACL. He overcompensated with his other leg and tore that ACL, too. And there I stood with his nice hedge shears, feeling a little like a criminal since I hadn't sought his permission and now he was laying on the ground groaning.
Somehow I felt responsible for his troubles.
So I let my bushes shoot out like an old man's eyebrows until I capitulated and bought my own shears. This is the point of the story where I butcher the bushes. One bush looked particularly sickly. By the time I pulled all the climbing weeds off it, I realized it was totally dead. The green hue it had maintained through the summer could be solely attributed to morning glory.
My 5 year old son got my husband to get the shovel and we went about the task of digging it up. I gouged and used the shovel as a lever, digging under it, pulling, pushing, and cajoling.
"Maybe we should get Dad to help us!"
"No, we can do it (pant)."
Grunt. "Mom! I'm really helping!"
"Yup, buddy, you really are!"
By now I'm sweating and the bush is nearly out. For just a moment, the triumph eclipsed my good senses.
"You're mine now, Bit**!"
"What you said, Mom?"
"I said, 'you're mine now, bush.'"
"Why did you say that? Do you want to keep it?"
"Never mind."
Somehow I felt responsible for his troubles.
So I let my bushes shoot out like an old man's eyebrows until I capitulated and bought my own shears. This is the point of the story where I butcher the bushes. One bush looked particularly sickly. By the time I pulled all the climbing weeds off it, I realized it was totally dead. The green hue it had maintained through the summer could be solely attributed to morning glory.
My 5 year old son got my husband to get the shovel and we went about the task of digging it up. I gouged and used the shovel as a lever, digging under it, pulling, pushing, and cajoling.
"Maybe we should get Dad to help us!"
"No, we can do it (pant)."
Grunt. "Mom! I'm really helping!"
"Yup, buddy, you really are!"
By now I'm sweating and the bush is nearly out. For just a moment, the triumph eclipsed my good senses.
"You're mine now, Bit**!"
"What you said, Mom?"
"I said, 'you're mine now, bush.'"
"Why did you say that? Do you want to keep it?"
"Never mind."
That is hilarious! So nice that he is young enough to not get it. My kids are way to old now. Old enough to understand and old enough to give me that withering disapproving look. I cringe!
ReplyDeleteOh no! Busted!
ReplyDeleteSo funny what our kids figure out and how they explain it!
Thanks for linking up!
Now that I know more about your special skills, that stump in the side yard is all yours.
ReplyDeleteLOL - funny stuff. Now I can't wait to hear when he "makes something his"..... : )
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are actually talking about bushes. I read a post recently where, well, it was a euphemism for something else.
ReplyDeleteBusted!! Good thing you could quickly cover it up.
ReplyDeleteHAHAHA. Hilarious.
ReplyDeleteThat's down right funny. How's that foot taste? I know mine doesn't taste too good when I do stupid things like this.
ReplyDeleteVisiting you from Once Upon a Child. I am your newest follower too!
ReplyDeleteThat story is too funny. Sounds like something that would happen at my house.
I sounds like your kids say funny things, you should link up on my site for Things Kids Say, on Thursday's.
Quick thinking! I love that he believed you!
ReplyDeleteHow much longer will his innocence last...?!
too funny. Kids always here the things we don't want them to. Love your blog. Visit back sometime.
ReplyDeletehttp://survivingandthrivinginmom-dom.blogspot.com
ooops... too funny! your poor neighbor. i don't know why you feel guilty... with two torn ACLs, he certainly wasn't going to be using the clippers.
ReplyDelete