A Musing Mother 6

The day of Scott's surgery, our 5 year old was all full of questions, opinions, and words I didn't think he knew (not swear words, be assured.  He knows those, thankyouverymuch).  He chattered away and insisted that Scott play Legos with him before he went to kindergarten and Scott went to the hospital.  Apparently, they had all kinds of good talkin' going on because I got a full report as I helped him into his jacket. "Dad's going to the hospital and the doctor is going to give him medicine so he will go to sleep and then the doctor is going to cut into his foot and take out the ball that's hurting him when he walks and then he's going to sew him up so he doesn't bleed anymore.  Then dad's going to wake up in a different room and be a dummyhead." "He means bobblehead," my husband clarified. Right. True to his dad's predictions, that's exactly what happened.  Of course, Jaxon was all about making his dad feel better.  First of...

Chipper and creative with a positive attitude and high hopes She walks the tightwire of emotion Then trips the land mine Disproportionately hostile and angry, lashing out over who turns off the television. "I don't want to do my homework." "I don't want to clean my room." "I don't want to practice my instrument." "Why is everyone ALWAYS picking on me?!" Wanting to do as her sister does yet yearning to remain a child. She dances with abandon even when she knows we are watching. Sneaking into her mother's make-up adding just a hint of color. Wanting what she can not have Leaning toward childhood Her body poised on the launching pad of womanhood Seeking identity Belonging Individuation Laughing, crying, yelling, squealing. An inclusive dichotomy Synergy Her whole much greater than the sum of her parts.

Friending me for the sole purpose to promote the latest game; farmville, cityville, Yoville, ihearts or hugs.  25 years and the first contact is an invitation to join farmville.  I'm fine.  How are you? Writing out your whole life and hang ups for all the world to see.  For instance, "I was sexually abused by my father for 6 years, my stepfather for 8 years, got pregnant in high school (wondered where I went, didn't ya'!), married an abusive man, finally took control of my life, left the bum and now I am in a committed homosexual relationship with the love of my life (2 months and counting!) and am working towards my social work license."         I SO could NOT make this stuff up. Drinking photos. Bikini photos.  Posting every half hour about the latest argument with significant other. Updates every 5 minutes.  "Drank a Coke."  "Peed."  "Drinking another Coke." Constant political activism posts.  Chiding those who are...

Out-patient surgery gave us some surprises today.  Scott had a procedure done on his foot.  In layman's terms, he had a huge neuroma or mass between his big toe and second toe, hammer toe, and a bone spur that has caused him increasing pain. The first surprise was the paper underpants.  As sexy as I find the backless hospital gown with the butt hanging out, this option has now been nixed.  He was handed a pair of paper boxers.  Next was the paper hospital gown.  Not only was it a new textile, but it wrapped around so there was no possibility of a chance sighting of said bare butt.  As I was helping him tie it, we also discovered it had pockets.  What would a person need pockets in a hospital gown for?  A stray scalpel in case the doctor forgot his?  Perhaps some socks to keep your tootsies warm?  Maybe some extra underwear in case you didn't get the paper boxers? Once dressed, the nurse came in and grabbed the attachment from the wa...

I kept my 5 year old home from school today.  Because he wanted to stay home and hang out with me. We played sword fight, Legos, read books, and watched PBS shows.  When the elementary school called to inform me of his absence, it was like a loud speaker announcing that I don't value education.  Mostly because it was on the loud speaker from the answering machine.  My 10 year old son heard it and complained that I never let him take a day off kindergarten.  I tried to explain that I am evolving as a parent but he didn't get it. 20 years ago, fresh out of college, I had a lot of strong opinions about education and parenting.  I disdained parents who kept their children home with a little sniffle.  I felt nothing short of hostility for parents who checked a child out of school to babysit another child.  In my high-and-mighty opinion, education was the pinnacle of showing love to a child. Then I was introduced to Real Life. In Real Life , we do use ...

The 10 year old went to bed fully clothed and without brushing his teeth.  Given this evidence, I was pretty certain he also forgot to visit the throne.  So before going to bed, I flipped on his light and announced in my perkiest voice that it was time to put on his pajamas, go the bathroom and brush his teeth.  Positioning his body outside his bedroom door, I gave it a gentle nudge toward the bathroom.  My own OCD kicking in, I began cleaning his room. 5 minutes later I realized he was still gone and I hadn't heard teeth brushing or toilet flushing.  Peeking down the hall, I found there were no lights illuminating any of the rooms except a sliver coming from under the laundry room.  Interesting.  Just as I turned the doorknob, the light went out.  I flipped it on and found myself face to face with a naked, befuddled boy, his hands cupped protectively over his future family jewels. "Hey Buddy!  What are you doing?" *Blink* "Did you brush your...

When I was expecting my first baby, I was offered a lot of advice.  Mostly unsolicited and some completely useless.  Yet the best advice always involved getting sleep.  Always choose sleep.  When the babies nap, the mother naps.  I have followed this prescripton religiously for years.  But then came the day when all of the children outgrew naps.  But I hadn't. My family has been growing and working toward eternal bliss and nirvana for the past 19 years.  As I sat in the pew with my husband and children who were, surprisingly, all being reverent during the sacrament, I had was of two minds.  1) I said a silent prayer within my heart for what I had right at that moment on that bench.  I am deeply joyful for all four of my children and a good man as my partner in playing house.  2) I hoped I would get an afternoon nap.  There is a sacred time on Sundays when all is right in the world.  Those quiet moments - usually...

Mom, will you cuddle with me?  Ginger just ran away. Were you and the cat going to sleep? Yeah.  But she ran off but I can't sleep without cuddling. Mom?  Too bad you're not fuzzy like Ginger. I think I might be worried if I was, sweetheart.

The Prompts: 1.) Scarred. 2.) The last time my heart melted was because… 3.) A moment you truly felt relieved. 4.) A list of 20 ideas to make this your best year yet. 5.) I told you so! Write about a time you felt validated. This is a previous post but it works so well for #4 and #5.  Except there aren't 20 ideas.  If you have more ideas for a Neurotic New Year, I am certainly open to suggestions.  Don't worry.  I'm working on my Psychotic New Year, as well.  I'm just waiting for the little voices to speak one at a time and stop calling me on my shoe in public. I'm not going answer.  Not in public. Neurotic New Year Feel free to emulate my goals.  I've spent a good deal of time precisely whittling them down to the following: 2011 New Year's Resolutions 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are...

I've been a proponent of honest and clear communication when it comes to talking to my children about the birds and the bees, much to their consternation.  I've used the anatomically correct words for their private parts since they were babies and was surprised when my sister heard me once and gasped. "I can't believe you just said that!" "What do you call it?"  I asked.  She told me and I guffawed in superiority.  That is until I visited her in Arizona with my other sisters and she took us to eat at Pei Wei, a Chinese place and I giggled like a 10 year old boy when I kept mispronouncing the restaurant name.  She threatened to drive away without me if I didn't stop it. Still, I was convinced of my forward thinking until tonight when my baby, my last little child, asked me to explain to him how kissing makes babies.  I choked.  I told him to talk to his dad.  I "um-ed" and "er-ed."  He would not be deterred.  So I punted. "Wel...

Monster's Inc. VHS has been stuck in the VCR for well over a year.  It's not that we haven't needed it, it's the fact that we still have a rich collection of VHS movies that I paid good money for 15 years ago.  Mostly Disney but there is also the stray "Wayne's World" (definitely pre-kids).  In order to extract the highly regarded Monster's Inc., it was necessary to take the VCR apart only to find out the problem was electrical and the VCR was not salvageable. Christmas has never been this good. Th kids pulled apart every little piece and examined it extensively, discussing in great detail what they would do with the pieces.  The five year old made plans to make a robot, the ten year old wondered how to make things explode.  The 13 year old attached buttons to her face and giggled every time she pushed it and it clicked.  The 15 year old laid on a chair and read a book. For three days Scott and I dreamed of our children growing up and becoming engineer...

Why do we bounce when we have to pee? Don't we understand that this only makes it worse? What is in the cosmos that makes the inevitability of a telephone call, ring of the doorbell, or children 100% when I have either sat down to go to the bathroom or just started to snooze. Why is there toilet paper, torn in long strips and laid carefully in a 3' x 3' square on my kitchen floor? What rule of physics dictates that the more proud I feel about a clean room, the sooner it will be hit by a child hurricane? If six people go on vacation, what is the statistical probability that between 3-5 will take a toothbrush? Why does it take until day 5 or 6 of said vacation for the mother to discover that child/ren did not bring a toothbrush? Is there a rule someplace that I missed reading in the annals of parenting that guarantees that I will have to explain every little thing I do?  For instance, in the bathroom - "What are you doing?" or "When are you coming out?" or...

This is just about the time I start getting tired of being so cold.  I also get so tired of wearing layers to stay warm.  Can I just crank up the furnace and run around naked for a couple of days?  Just want to remind you that winter will end:

Meet Amy.  Amy is hot.  I don't mean "sexy-hot" although she clearly is, she is suffering from too much heat on Christmas day.  In fact, here is Amy's Christmas day, pics and all. By the way, Amy is in Zambia , claiming to do good work as a missionary.  There's some story about her and her husband opening an orphanage, educating children, taking care of their medical needs, yada, yada, whatever.  That's her story.  I have two theories.  1) She's really on a private island in the Bahamas that is dry and arid, has lions, crocodiles, and huge bugs (no, she photoshops those, I think) but she's working on her tan or 2) She really is in Zambia and she's collecting all the cutest African babies all for herself. Either way, I'm onto her. Christmas is for Kids We started Christmas off for the kids by telling them the Christmas story using flannelgraph pieces. I hadn't really planned out the story real well, but the kids seemed to understand it w...

The first part of Christmas (break) that's such a joy to me Is putting up a prelit tree. The Second part of Christmas that's such a joy to me Crashing into a Toyota and putting up a prelit tree The third part of Christmas that's such a joy to me Watching dysfunctional family Crashing into a Toyota and putting up a prelit tree The fourth part of Christmas that's such a joy to me Four bored kids Watching dysfunctional family Crashing into a Toyota And putting up a prelit tree The fifth part of Christmas that's such a joy to me A high of 5 degrees Four bored kids Watching dysfunctional family Crashing into a Toyota And putting up a prelit tree The sixth part of Christmas that's such a joy to me Returning gifts without a receipt A high of 5 degrees Four bored kids Watching dysfunctional family Crashing into a Toyota And putting up a prelit tree The seventh part of Christmas that's such a joy to me Sliding off the road This is the line to return? A high of 5 degr...