Laura showed up at my house requesting books to read. I dragged her through my entire house, looking through my stacks until she had my very favorite books. She's a big reader and mentioned she would be having free time soon.
"Their dad got his own place and the kids are spending the WHOLE weekend and leaving me all by myself!" she delightedly informed me.
"Is that the same weekend I am leaving for Hawaii?" I asked. "I mean, since you won't have your kids, you could drive us to the airport!" I tried to use my best cheerleader voice to make it sound enticing.
"What day and time?"
"Sunday morning. We need to leave the house by 4:30. In the morning."
She cackled wickedly and ran out of my house. With my books.
Strike one.
At work I passed the assistant principal's office, a really nice guy. How nice? "Hey Tim! Do you want to take my husband and I to the airport on Sunday?"
He looked up with his usual smile. "Would it get me out of church?"
"Does your church start at 4:30 in the morning?"
"Nope. Good luck with finding someone!" Not that nice.
Strike two.
"My brother said he would take us to airport..." Scott informed me, slightly dragging out the last word of the sentence.
"He agreed to take us to the airport like you agreed to a vasectomy?" I clarified. His procedure agreement came with an elongated "I will..." and the implied, "But...since you're already going to give birth to our last child, don't you think it would be easier to just get your tubes tied then?" I did.
Strike three.
I really need to work on my cheerleader voice.
"Their dad got his own place and the kids are spending the WHOLE weekend and leaving me all by myself!" she delightedly informed me.
"Is that the same weekend I am leaving for Hawaii?" I asked. "I mean, since you won't have your kids, you could drive us to the airport!" I tried to use my best cheerleader voice to make it sound enticing.
"What day and time?"
"Sunday morning. We need to leave the house by 4:30. In the morning."
She cackled wickedly and ran out of my house. With my books.
Strike one.
At work I passed the assistant principal's office, a really nice guy. How nice? "Hey Tim! Do you want to take my husband and I to the airport on Sunday?"
He looked up with his usual smile. "Would it get me out of church?"
"Does your church start at 4:30 in the morning?"
"Nope. Good luck with finding someone!" Not that nice.
Strike two.
"My brother said he would take us to airport..." Scott informed me, slightly dragging out the last word of the sentence.
"He agreed to take us to the airport like you agreed to a vasectomy?" I clarified. His procedure agreement came with an elongated "I will..." and the implied, "But...since you're already going to give birth to our last child, don't you think it would be easier to just get your tubes tied then?" I did.
Strike three.
I really need to work on my cheerleader voice.
I did NOT cackle...I snorted. Big difference.
ReplyDeleteI taught her to snort. At Webelos. Where we also sang and danced to ABBA's Dancing Queen. Those boys may need counseling. Should I be offended that you didn't ask me? I would have volunteered my husband. . .
ReplyDeleteSnorting is an art Kaye has perfected. Laura did NOT snort. It was more like a shriek. Sorry I didn't ask you to volunteer Ed. I just wasn't thinking.
ReplyDeleteMaybe you should offer Starbucks on the way. Oh wait....Starbucks isn't even open that early. Good luck hitch hiking at 4am! LOL
ReplyDeleteThis was a great post, btw. Witty.