Skip to main content

Why We Stayed

Eleven years ago Scott and I were on the verge of divorce. Our differences seemed irreconcilable and insurmountable. I could go into the details but they are unimportant. I loved him but I didn't particularly like him. He wasn't terribly crazy about me, either. He had his reasons for not liking me and I had mine. We were miserable.

I recall one night in particular that I spent sobbing into my pillow while praying and laying out all of my excellent arguments for a divorce. They were really good reasons, I told Him. So what do You say? Don't You agree that we need to be apart?

The answer was very clear. I heard no voice, I had no visible sign but I felt the resounding answer.  No. Stay with him. It will be better.

So I stuck it out. And he stuck it out. And Heavenly Father was right. It got better. Again, there were no choirs of angels or silver bullets. It took time, patience, and work and it still does but I'm glad I didn't follow my own arguments. We love each other and we like each other. Sometimes we irritate the crud out of each other but that is the nature of family. We learned how to communicate better with each other and we learned to accept each other the way we are. And because we accepted each other and found each other again, we enlarged our family 8 years ago today.


He is the epitome of joy. Not only is he the most delightful and joyful child, but he encompasses all that is right in our family. We did not immediately decide to have him when we re-committed ourselves to our marriage. We decided to have him after we'd healed and grown a great deal and could say with certainty that our family was not only worth saving but worth adding to. Our happiness multiplied exponentially. He is my cuddly boy, my impulsive hugger, and the best little boy and blessing ever.

We now travel our life road together, hand in hand. We laugh with the kids, we drive them to school or pick them up, we play tag team parenting when the other one isn't quite connecting with a particular child at the time, and we reserve a night all to ourselves and go out without distractions. Not even the best little cuddly boy gets to come with us. 

I'm a better person when I walk beside him. We're better together with the kidlets following us. Our children are more confident and secure knowing we are united. 

But I still bug the crud out of him sometimes. It is my duty. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How To Be A Dedicated Neurotic

Going through old files from graduate school, I found an invaluable pamphlet. Be a Dedicated Neurotic Remember the Past. . . and Regret it. Abhor the Present. Dread the Future. 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are responsible for your miseries. 3. Feel trapped. You couldn't possibly declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings. 4. Overeat. Rationalize and eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you. 5. Self-pity. No matter what, feel sorry for yourself. Agonize over things about which no one cares. 6. Don't ever try. That way nobody can really accuse you of failure. You can always say, "But I could have done it." 7. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you. You're special. 8. Your agg...
11 comments
Read more

Pioneer Trek

Utah was founded by the Mormon pioneers in 1847 after enduring unimaginable losses and seeking a place of peace. July 24th marks the anniversary that the first wagon trains arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Their numbers were greatly diminished by crossing the country in wagons and handcarts, dying of scurvy, tuberculous, malaria, starvation, unidentified fevers, and freezing to death. This, they found preferable to facing the extermination order put forth by Governor Boggs of Missouri. I believe this is the most courageous act of faith - to leave all they had that was familiar and travel the rough terrain in the unknown in search of a place where they could worship in peace. My daughters left this morning for a small re-creation of what the pioneers experienced. I don't love the idea since I know so many of the pioneers died but it is a way for many of the youth to connect to their ancestors and understand what many of the early members endured for their faith. The youth were asked...
5 comments
Read more

Public Notice

Dear friends, neighbors, enemies, and people I don't know: Understand that it all started out very innocently. I planned my garden carefully. Everything had a place and plenty of room. Within my planning, I included three spaghetti squash plants, two yellow squash and two zucchini. Out of the 7 plants, two came up and they weren't my beloved spaghetti squash. This year we have added two grow boxes to the south side of the house. One of which we brought in a garden mix of soil and I planted neat little rows of seeds. The other was left untouched. All I saw was dirt. So I started pushing squash seeds into it. I don't even know what kind they are. When they came up, I transplanted them so they would have room to grow. I also noticed I had two squash plants (pumpkins, perhaps?) growing in the main garden that I hadn't planted. Apparently, I had also dropped a seed in the dirt outside the grow boxes and it's coming up as a squash plant, too. Last count, I hav...
9 comments
Read more