A Musing Mother 6

I'm at my class reunion being held at the high school. Someone forgot to inform the school facilities manager and there is no air conditioning. I'm holding a plastic cup with lemonade and ice when I see an old friend and his sons in the hall. The older son is a former student of mine. I bypass my friend and greet his son and give him a hug. To my utter horror then surprise, I forget I am holding a drink. I wrap my arms around the boy's neck and dump the lemonade over his shoulder  back towards me. Horror that I dumped it on the young man. Surprise when most of it neatly poured itself into my bra. From one cup to another. Mortification when I realized my mistake and wondered what THAT would look like. I called over my shoulder to the boy's father, "Wade! Go get some napkins!" Meanwhile, Tommy was trying to undo himself from my clinging hug. Awkward.

My name is Julie and I will be your cruise director this summer. First up, I allow you choose the activity you want. Hundreds of dollars later, I realize this is a mistake and try a free activity like Geocaching. After realizing that some people hide their "cache" in old fashioned film canisters, hanging in pine trees that are impossible to climb into, we resort to different activities that cost a little but not hundreds of dollars. The right mix of activities includes bringing cousins along because the weight of constant engagement and sometimes forced, "Isn't this fun?!" lifts significantly. Which is how we found ourselves in the Museum of Natural Curiosities. Special thanks to Alyssa Taylor who works at Thanksgiving Point, giving her family free access to most of the attractions. I discovered that this one is a runner. More than once (exactly twice) I panicked and started calling out to my 3 year old nephew. After a minute or two, he sauntered back over to m...

The man teaches Sunday School, makes presentations to multitudes of people for work, was recently recognized for his hard work and given a major award (cue Christmas Story music) but he absolutely loathes to be the center of attention. Therefore, I took it upon myself to spread the word as I walked in late to church on Sunday and whispered in passing to every member of the congregation, "It's Scott's birthday today. Pass it on." One dear, stupid man actually asked me what I was going to give him for his birthday.  I was already talking to my friend, Kaye, and bit my tongue answering only vaguely, "Oh, you know. Golf balls." Then I followed Kaye home before I spontaneously imploded to make my smarty pants remark. Thanks, Kaye. And you're right, of course. The shimmy makes the answer that much sweeter.  This is what happens when you realize you don't have any birthday candles. Let us take a moment and celebrate (not mock) that Garage Sales do not only ...

To further strengthen my stance on carrying your leather soled dance shoes in your purse, I have included a video clip from a security camera taken at a nearby junior high. A girl walked into the office and put her foot up on the desk while commenting how flexible she is. Grace, the office aide, decided to show how flexible she is, too. She stepped out and did a high kick. What happened next wouldn't have happened had she had on her dance shoes. I'm just sayin'.

I took the girls shopping on Saturday to buy Easter dresses. I never go to the mall so it was a transition for me to be among the mall set. My Saturdays are typically spent at Costco, the grocery store, or Home Depot. We found some dresses for the girls and I tried on a couple that looked almost good on me. I'm adjusting to my middle age acceptance but as I stood evaluating myself in the mirror, I realized that I needed a bra. A good bra. So we dragged the girls with me to Victoria's Secret. Right before entering the store, Alyssa mumbled, "This store makes me so uncomfortable." The moment I walked in, my purse strap snagged on a rack and I pulled the rack partly over before catching it. Fortunately, there was a Victoria's Secret Associate to greet us and she grabbed it, too. "Oh! Look at that! We have the store booby-trapped!" I snickered. I turned to my daughters who were already taking retreating steps. "She said 'booby.'" My older...

My sister-in-law gave birth to her second son two weeks ago. My 14 year old son and 16 year old daughter drove to the hospital to see him. Leila had just sent him back to the nursery and I'm so bossy I told her to get him back so I can bother him. She did. He was brought in with his eyes wide open and alert. I immediately fell in love with him. Not to boast or anything (I'm totally boasting), I had two babies that came out looking like a cookie cutter version of this one. Minus the Republic of Georgia pigmentation. That Taylor DNA is very strong. Leila was slightly high on Percocet and was absolutely hilarious. She informed us that little Niko had been sleeping all day because he'd been circumcised. Jacob looked up from holding him and asked, "What is 'circumcised'?" I suddenly felt like a failure of a mother. Leila laughingly informed him that it means that he'd had his Brit Malah. Jacob looked even more confused so I clarified it for him by calling h...

We're redoing our kitchen and I was busy sorting through papers while standing at the kitchen table when a knock came at the door. Scott was going home teaching so I already knew it was his partner, both men still in their Sunday best. I talked to our neighbor, found a photo of his daughter, handed it to him, and he and Scott walked out the door. I finished that pile and began making rolls. Halfway through adding flour it suddenly occurred to me to check to make sure I was wearing pants. For split second, I panicked before I affirmed that I was, indeed wearing pants.  It's Sunday. It's not like I'm going anywhere or anything. I can take off my pants.  This is a particularly relevant thought process after my incident this morning. Scott had already taken the kids to church and I figured I should put on clothes to go to church. I knew I bought a blouse and a belt yesterday and it was still in the car in the garage. In my underwear, I found that the garage door was open. I...