Skip to main content

It’s Going to Be a Long Year

While at work, I ran into a woman that works with my sister, also a school counselor. My sister just had her fourth baby, a beautiful baby boy, 2 weeks ago. I grabbed my phone to show her a photo. He's still covered in slime and cute as a button. I'm a proud aunt. Next year's assistant principal is standing nearby and peeking over my shoulder. I hand him my phone so he can admire my nephew.  The moment my hand released the phone is the moment I realize that the image is mostly baby Easton but a little bit of my sister's boob. I panicked. I made a screeching sound and hit my soon-to-be boss’s hand. My cell phone flew in the air, made a hard landing on the carpet and battery popped out just for good measure. It seemed like it all happened in slow motion. But then I look up from my battered phone to the face of my soon to be boss. His expression was incredulous and his face said, “You crazy woman. What WAS THAT?!” Telling the truth wasn’t even an option. I panicked and yelled the first thing that came to mind. “Tourette’s!” 

Did he buy it? I don’t know it doesn’t matter. I had no good “out” in this situation. I’m either the lady showing my pornographic images of her sister (Easton was breastfeeding) or I have Tourette’s. And that is how my new boss will see me. This should be interesting. And mortifying. 

Comments

  1. LinMay 2, 2011 at 6:41 AM

    lmao...this is all super hilarious but you should totally get some rest.

    ReplyDelete
  2. CountessLaurieMay 2, 2011 at 8:08 AM

    Tourettes!! Too funny. You crack me up.

    P.s. I love that the boy pops in with "He's single..." instead of looking at you horrified...

    ReplyDelete
  3. EmptyNesterMay 2, 2011 at 11:56 AM

    I'm sorry you're sleep deprived but Bwahahahahahahahaha! That was too funny!

    ReplyDelete
  4. MMay 2, 2011 at 12:28 PM

    I'm stealing the Tourette's thing. TOO funny!

    ReplyDelete
  5. LoMay 2, 2011 at 2:08 PM

    OH....just fantastic.....you ARE funny.....the rest of us just try.

    ReplyDelete
  6. AnneMay 2, 2011 at 2:11 PM

    Man, I really miss you some days!

    ReplyDelete
  7. KlinMay 2, 2011 at 5:19 PM

    This just made my whole day!

    Thank you. Thank you very much!

    ReplyDelete
  8. AbbyMay 3, 2011 at 11:00 AM

    hahah this was hilarious to read! I loved it!

    ReplyDelete
  9. ToniaMay 3, 2011 at 10:24 PM

    That first one made me laugh out loud; and I'm pretty sure my ancestoral heritage is also lunacy (been out of touch so I got to read several posts at once)

    ReplyDelete
  10. RachelMay 3, 2011 at 10:29 PM

    This totally made my day. Made me feel like I'm not the only one out there playing catch with someone's masectomy prothesis. Oh whoops.

    Get some rest!

    ReplyDelete
  11. StephJune 17, 2011 at 10:53 PM

    LOL love # 4!!!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How To Be A Dedicated Neurotic

Going through old files from graduate school, I found an invaluable pamphlet. Be a Dedicated Neurotic Remember the Past. . . and Regret it. Abhor the Present. Dread the Future. 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are responsible for your miseries. 3. Feel trapped. You couldn't possibly declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings. 4. Overeat. Rationalize and eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you. 5. Self-pity. No matter what, feel sorry for yourself. Agonize over things about which no one cares. 6. Don't ever try. That way nobody can really accuse you of failure. You can always say, "But I could have done it." 7. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you. You're special. 8. Your agg...
11 comments
Read more

Pioneer Trek

Utah was founded by the Mormon pioneers in 1847 after enduring unimaginable losses and seeking a place of peace. July 24th marks the anniversary that the first wagon trains arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Their numbers were greatly diminished by crossing the country in wagons and handcarts, dying of scurvy, tuberculous, malaria, starvation, unidentified fevers, and freezing to death. This, they found preferable to facing the extermination order put forth by Governor Boggs of Missouri. I believe this is the most courageous act of faith - to leave all they had that was familiar and travel the rough terrain in the unknown in search of a place where they could worship in peace. My daughters left this morning for a small re-creation of what the pioneers experienced. I don't love the idea since I know so many of the pioneers died but it is a way for many of the youth to connect to their ancestors and understand what many of the early members endured for their faith. The youth were asked...
5 comments
Read more

Public Notice

Dear friends, neighbors, enemies, and people I don't know: Understand that it all started out very innocently. I planned my garden carefully. Everything had a place and plenty of room. Within my planning, I included three spaghetti squash plants, two yellow squash and two zucchini. Out of the 7 plants, two came up and they weren't my beloved spaghetti squash. This year we have added two grow boxes to the south side of the house. One of which we brought in a garden mix of soil and I planted neat little rows of seeds. The other was left untouched. All I saw was dirt. So I started pushing squash seeds into it. I don't even know what kind they are. When they came up, I transplanted them so they would have room to grow. I also noticed I had two squash plants (pumpkins, perhaps?) growing in the main garden that I hadn't planted. Apparently, I had also dropped a seed in the dirt outside the grow boxes and it's coming up as a squash plant, too. Last count, I hav...
9 comments
Read more