Skip to main content

Twelve years ago today I was fat.

Twelve years ago tomorrow I put on my husband's red polo shirt, struggled into my blue, stretchy pants and waited. I had carefully scheduled my pitocin drip and induction and some crazy fat girls had bumped me because they had actually gone into labor. Spoiled brats. I'd been walking around dilated to 6 cm. and 80% effaced for over three weeks. Did they not understand that once I started labor, I'd be dropping that baby in the car?

By early afternoon I was anxious and bored. I announced to my husband and two and a half year old daughter that I was going to buy a baby book. I drove to a small town store (the small town where I now live but is no longer small) and perused. My pager went off. It was my obstetrician.

"Excuse me," I calmly said to the clerk in the red and white checkered shirt, "May I borrow your phone? I think I'm going to have my baby now." Her pleasant features paled and she frantically started looking for a chair.

One hour later, we waltzed into the hospital, passing the women having contractions. Actually, I backed in and, with a smile on my face, insisted on that epidural, thank you. Pitocin followed closely behind.

An hour and a half later, Samantha made her debut; dainty and perfect, she was all girl as she entered the world with one hand raised to her ear like a wave from a parade float. Destined to be a beauty queen.

She's outgrown her acid reflux, her mother's fashion taste, and all of her shoes. She's taken her place as the second daughter, the older sister, and the true artist of the family. She's smart, sassy, and still the beauty queen.

Happy Birthday, Sam!

Comments

  1. Maggie MayOctober 20, 2009 at 9:48 PM

    I love it! She's got a great smile and a great name :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. shortmamaOctober 20, 2009 at 10:24 PM

    Happy birthday to your girl!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Liz @ Sugarplum CreationsOctober 20, 2009 at 10:54 PM

    This is too sweet! Happy Birthday to your sweet Sam! Amazing how quickly time passes.

    ReplyDelete
  4. HilloriOctober 21, 2009 at 12:05 AM

    My Ashton was born that way too, with both hands up by his head, waving. Kind of like he was diving. The nurses thought it was cute...me, I thought it hurt. Happy Birthday to a beautiful girl!

    ReplyDelete
  5. DG at Diary of a Mad BathroomOctober 21, 2009 at 4:13 AM

    Happy birthday to both of you. Why is it that we don't celebrate the mom that gave birth to the birthday person as well?

    ReplyDelete
  6. ChristaOctober 21, 2009 at 5:58 AM

    awww, that's so sweet. And I laughed so hard about your pager... how the world has changed in such a short time!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Kristina P.October 21, 2009 at 8:12 AM

    Happy birthday to Sam!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Trac~October 21, 2009 at 9:04 AM

    AWWW....... she's SO CUTE! Happy birthday, Sam! :o)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Lisa Page RosenbergOctober 21, 2009 at 10:09 AM

    Happy Birthday to Sam.
    Your family turns out some fine looking ladies.

    (Did that sound creepy? Didn't mean that to sound creepy. Girls are pretty.)

    ReplyDelete
  10. FoursonsOctober 21, 2009 at 11:57 AM

    She is GORGEOUS! And oh my word- 6 cm and 80% effaced for 3 weeks?! I did 3 cm and 40% but you have me beat by a long shot!

    ReplyDelete
  11. HeidiOctober 21, 2009 at 12:07 PM

    Funny how kids think the actual Birth Day is all about them, when really it's about a woman whose life was changed forever on that day.

    ReplyDelete
  12. .:Anna:.October 21, 2009 at 6:22 PM

    Aw happy birthday!

    (The faster you out grow your shoes the sooner you get new ones)

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mamma ChristineOctober 22, 2009 at 2:48 AM

    You're a great story teller. I love reading your blog. "12 years ago today I was fat" Such a great first line! Happy Belated Birthday Sam!

    ReplyDelete
  14. GinaOctober 22, 2009 at 3:53 PM

    I have to agree with Mamma Christine. You start your stories with such funny sentences that drag the reader in whether they like it or not. Your blog is one of the funniest I read and it all about how you write more so than what you write about. I swear if you were locked up in a square cell for a month you would still think of a witty story....!

    ReplyDelete
  15. A Musing Mom (Taylorclan6)October 22, 2009 at 6:26 PM

    I am blushing. And grateful.

    ReplyDelete
  16. The MomOctober 25, 2009 at 6:51 AM

    Very nice! Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How To Be A Dedicated Neurotic

Going through old files from graduate school, I found an invaluable pamphlet. Be a Dedicated Neurotic Remember the Past. . . and Regret it. Abhor the Present. Dread the Future. 1. Become preoccupied with the body, and make a long list of symptoms. Make them sound very clinical and professional... 2. BLAME your boss, your spouse, your partner, your neighbor, your kid. THEY are responsible for your miseries. 3. Feel trapped. You couldn't possibly declare your own independence without hurting someone's feelings. 4. Overeat. Rationalize and eat! Eat an insulated wall around yourself. Diet for a few days and say it doesn't work for you. 5. Self-pity. No matter what, feel sorry for yourself. Agonize over things about which no one cares. 6. Don't ever try. That way nobody can really accuse you of failure. You can always say, "But I could have done it." 7. Stress how shy you are. Insist that the world must come to you. You're special. 8. Your agg...
11 comments
Read more

Pioneer Trek

Utah was founded by the Mormon pioneers in 1847 after enduring unimaginable losses and seeking a place of peace. July 24th marks the anniversary that the first wagon trains arrived in the Salt Lake Valley. Their numbers were greatly diminished by crossing the country in wagons and handcarts, dying of scurvy, tuberculous, malaria, starvation, unidentified fevers, and freezing to death. This, they found preferable to facing the extermination order put forth by Governor Boggs of Missouri. I believe this is the most courageous act of faith - to leave all they had that was familiar and travel the rough terrain in the unknown in search of a place where they could worship in peace. My daughters left this morning for a small re-creation of what the pioneers experienced. I don't love the idea since I know so many of the pioneers died but it is a way for many of the youth to connect to their ancestors and understand what many of the early members endured for their faith. The youth were asked...
5 comments
Read more

Flu

The flu has been making its way through our family.  The first to be hit was the 15 year old.  She was very, very angry.  At me.  She had been begging for the flu shot for the past three months.  I kept forgetting.  She got better but it's one more thing to discuss on her future therapist's couch. Today I picked up my 5 year old from school.  He told me about making valentine's for his friends and how he gave his valentine to his best friend, Chase.  Chase is the little boy who grabbed my scarf on my way to my car today, looked at me earnestly and yelled his telephone number to me so fast I couldn't process it then ran away. "Today I felt so sick." "Why didn't you call me to pick you up?" "I told Teacher but she didn't call you." "What did you say?" "I told her my head hurt and I felt dizzy." "What did she say?" "She told me I wasn't sick." I took mental note to talk to his teacher about c...
2 comments
Read more