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Twelve years ago today I was fat.

Twelve years ago tomorrow I put on my husband's red polo shirt, struggled into my blue, stretchy pants and waited. I had carefully scheduled my pitocin drip and induction and some crazy fat girls had bumped me because they had actually gone into labor. Spoiled brats. I'd been walking around dilated to 6 cm. and 80% effaced for over three weeks. Did they not understand that once I started labor, I'd be dropping that baby in the car?

By early afternoon I was anxious and bored. I announced to my husband and two and a half year old daughter that I was going to buy a baby book. I drove to a small town store (the small town where I now live but is no longer small) and perused. My pager went off. It was my obstetrician.

"Excuse me," I calmly said to the clerk in the red and white checkered shirt, "May I borrow your phone? I think I'm going to have my baby now." Her pleasant features paled and she frantically started looking for a chair.

One hour later, we waltzed into the hospital, passing the women having contractions. Actually, I backed in and, with a smile on my face, insisted on that epidural, thank you. Pitocin followed closely behind.

An hour and a half later, Samantha made her debut; dainty and perfect, she was all girl as she entered the world with one hand raised to her ear like a wave from a parade float. Destined to be a beauty queen.

She's outgrown her acid reflux, her mother's fashion taste, and all of her shoes. She's taken her place as the second daughter, the older sister, and the true artist of the family. She's smart, sassy, and still the beauty queen.

Happy Birthday, Sam!

Comments

  1. I love it! She's got a great smile and a great name :)

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  2. This is too sweet! Happy Birthday to your sweet Sam! Amazing how quickly time passes.

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  3. My Ashton was born that way too, with both hands up by his head, waving. Kind of like he was diving. The nurses thought it was cute...me, I thought it hurt. Happy Birthday to a beautiful girl!

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  4. Happy birthday to both of you. Why is it that we don't celebrate the mom that gave birth to the birthday person as well?

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  5. awww, that's so sweet. And I laughed so hard about your pager... how the world has changed in such a short time!

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  6. AWWW....... she's SO CUTE! Happy birthday, Sam! :o)

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  7. Happy Birthday to Sam.
    Your family turns out some fine looking ladies.

    (Did that sound creepy? Didn't mean that to sound creepy. Girls are pretty.)

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  8. She is GORGEOUS! And oh my word- 6 cm and 80% effaced for 3 weeks?! I did 3 cm and 40% but you have me beat by a long shot!

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  9. Funny how kids think the actual Birth Day is all about them, when really it's about a woman whose life was changed forever on that day.

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  10. Aw happy birthday!

    (The faster you out grow your shoes the sooner you get new ones)

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  11. You're a great story teller. I love reading your blog. "12 years ago today I was fat" Such a great first line! Happy Belated Birthday Sam!

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  12. I have to agree with Mamma Christine. You start your stories with such funny sentences that drag the reader in whether they like it or not. Your blog is one of the funniest I read and it all about how you write more so than what you write about. I swear if you were locked up in a square cell for a month you would still think of a witty story....!

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